The Root of So Much Pain

To the one that couldn’t handle this as a conversation,I say that meaning no matter what I would say you would argue, or find some way to make it someone else’s fault. It’s time that you learn to listen, and it’s time that you learn to take responsibility for things. There are times in life when you should just listen, and it is completely impossible for nothing to be your fault.

Im not saying that my sister and I had a terrible life. It was far from some of the horror stories that I have heard, but I refuse to believe that you put your best foot forward. I mean really, who spends all their money to be a part of a particular crowd to the point that the electricity and water can’t be paid. After the first time, you’d think you’d learn your lesson, but no. It happened several times. All of this because you didn’t get the opportunity to party and do what you wanted when you were younger. News flash!!! You’ve got children! You can have a good time, but you have to do it responsibly.

I remember checking my account balance and finding out that I had eighty two cents to my name, because you needed money to go out with your friends. That threw me over the edge. That’s when I learned I had no trust in you. I was working two jobs, and you just took everything I had. I remember pleading to a bank manager to let me have my own account with out an adult on it. It’s when the people you’re supposed to be able to trust basically demolish any form of it.

Do you remember all the times you told us you were still learning to be a parent and didn’t know what you were doing. You only knew what your parents did for you, and they weren’t the best influences. Well if that’s the case, you know what not to do, and there are a ton of books and movies out there to better yourself on the subject. You better hop to it. Well… it’s a little late now. You’ve ruined any chances of a relationship with me, and you’re well on your way to doing the same with your other child.

You know that concept that we learn from the very beginning, that is engraved in our mind? You know the one where it is completely and totally wrong to lie? That we should tell the truth no matter what. Did that concept just not sit right with you? It was like whoever we were around there were lies coming out of your mouth. I don’t know if you expected us not to notice, but we did. Then there were the lies about us. I understand you are our parent, but what possesses you to lie about your kids. I mean, we are standing right there. Ugh! Whatever!

Over the last few years you’ve taken changed, and at the beginning we thought it was for the best. Now we are seeing that it’s not that way. You’re still so quick to flip your mood and make everyone walk on eggshells around you, because you’re not happy. Well, we gave up on pleasing you. We don’t care what mood your in. We will continue on with our lives, because we can manage on our own. We are emotionally and mentally stronger, and can go about our day without giving a damn. We’ve seen your methods and their lack of efficiency, and we have adapted. We are not emotional wrecks. We the total opposite.

We have noticed that you try to pry our emotions out of us, but you fail, and it upsets you. Or when you ask for something from us and you get something you weren’t expecting, you turn harsh and try to force us to be like you. You can not be mad when we see the right way in things, and don’t want to live in the wrong like you. We see everything and we are not stupid.

You have ruined friendships. I’m not talking just yours, but also ours. There is a reason we don’t want you to meet our friends. We have witnessed you take something so great and that would have lasted.m, and completely destroy it. Then point the finger as if the other person is in the wrong. You have met our friends, and once they leave you pull their lives apart and talk bad about them. You make them seem like terrible people and we shouldn’t be friends. Little do you know, we have blocked off portions of our lives from you, and we are just like them.

We are flawed just like anyone else, and we understand the need to boast about your children, but do not tear down someone else’s. We have flaws and we live with them and we learn from them. You should do the same. Someone else’s flaws or way of parenting should not be a topic to discuss, because you yourself are nowhere near perfect, and you have no room to talk.

You should avoid talking about people behind their backs. You fail to realize that there are ears everywhere. Sometimes these ears belong to those that know the person you are talking about. Word gets around, and you have built a bit of a reputation for yourself. It’s no wonder people are fed up with you. By the way I am not an alcoholic, like you claim to be. I drink when the time calls and I am nowhere near dependent on the substance. I also do know how to sit down and enjoy a moment, but I know when not to. I don’t want to be that person that misses out on something because “I need to sit down.” I am a grown man, and I make my own decisions.

You wonder why our relationship failed. You wonder why no one wants to talk to you. Take a long look in the mirror. It’s time to re-evaluate yourself. 

If anything, I should thank you. I should thank you for showing what not to be, and who not to be. I should thank you for showing me what to look for in a person that is poisonous to my life. I should thank you for helping the relationship between my sister and me grow, because we didn’t have you, we had each other. 

This is by far one of the hardest things I have had to write, and it’s probably because there is so much more. I just don’t know how to word it. The past hurts, but it’s how we use it that matters. Use yours to grow. We did.

Maybe one day, you’ll be in the right mind to read this. Until then, my piece has been stated, and I am done.
Have a good one?
Dom
P.S. there may be spelling and grammar errors due to me writing this on my phone.

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